To Thaw A Hardened Herat
by Rothalion
Summary: Cassander observes Alexander and Hephaistion and all the boys learn some valuable lessons.
1. Chapter 1

Author: Rothalion

Title: To Thaw A Hardened Heart

Summery: First person POV of Cassander. The devious one learns a lesson about humility, trust, honor and most importantly love while on an ill fated training exercise led by Alexander. The boys are about fourteen to fifteen and searching for answers.

Rating: PG-17 for under the furs sex.

Disclaimer: This can be Stone's universe, because I want to use Hephaistion's blue eyes and Cassander's long hair.

Excuses: Cassander's been rattling around in my head and I haven't done a first person POV in a while so….this is a one chapter tale that's turned into twoL In an effort to be expedient and get back to WPF I will not languish over this piece as far as editing, not that I edit myself worth a damn anyway!

Feedback: Please it's always welcome.

We are three days out from Pella. The inner circle of Alexander's friends and six new pages being tested for their service at court. The mission is basically in Alexander's command. His first 'real' command and he's become insufferable. Cleitus and a man we call the Boar are along to oversee him. I had tried, to no fruition, to convince my father, Antipiter, to get me out of this so called 'hardening' mission. Gods, how I hate this brutish training! Now that the weather has gone from springtime warm to winter frigid the idea of cutting off a couple of fingers on my sword hand to get out of this trip is starting seem like the choice I should have made. If it was not for being the son of one of Philip's main generals I could just wile my time away at court in the comfort of the palace and slowly work my way into a cozy position. Why couldn't I have been born an Athenian like that pretty whore, Hephaistion Amyntor. An Athenian living in Athens where one could get ahead by using their cunning and their deviousness and not only by hacking and slashing with a sword. If any of these hill born heathens heard my thoughts they would execute me for treason! What a fool Amyntor is! Running from Athens to escape the politics only to sully himself amidst these Macedonian dolts. By the gods what sane father would wish this life upon his son? I have no lust for fighting and suffering the hardships of a campaign. Damn, this cold rain! Damn, Cleitus and that ugly bastard the Boar! Damn Alexander. Despite the unexpected cold they insist on leading us higher and higher into these forsaken mountains; if they go too high this rain will turn to snow. Philip's words to us before we left keep running through my mind as I slog through the slick mud covering the narrow stone strewn path we are traveling on. I refuse to look to my left. Refuse to acknowledge the shear drop off that if I slip into it would claim my life. 'Toughen 'em up Black Cleitus! Ten weeks straight at Mieza has surely softened their young hides! Do not bring 'em back soft.' Soft. Soft is good. Soft is smart. Soft is a life of comfort. My father be damned! I will find a way to have the easy life.

We finally leave the narrow path and enter into the forest again. Cleitus halts and calls for a brief rest to check our mounts hooves after the stony trail and eat a little bit. We are all, weighed down by our sopping furs and despite their protection soaked to the skin, and cold. Only Alexander, Cleitus and the Boar seem not to notice their discomfort. I watch as Hephaistion checks his mount's feet and then Bucephelus'. It sickens me. Maybe one day the vile black horse will kick the bastard's ass kissing brains out. What won't the pretty bastard do for Alexander. He is cold too. I can tell. Hephaistion is always cold, and we tease him about it all the time. Even after nearly twelve years at Pella he has never grown accustomed to the bitter winter climate. Alexander returns from meeting with Cleitus and rubs Hephaistion's back in an effort to warm him but the Athenian brushes him off. That they are lovers is no secret. It sickens me. They are nearly the same age and that defies or at best borders on defying Macedonian mores. Then a strange thing happens as I watch. One of the recruits approaches the pair as they stand very close together talking. He steps right up and takes Hephaistion by the elbow. The boy is all of maybe nine years old and his boldness catches the attention of everyone in the small clearing. Cleitus puts his hand on his sword and begins to move toward the trio. Alexander is stunned and turns on the lad.

"Explain yourself, boy!" he orders stepping between Hephaistion and the foolish page. I hear Hephaistion say Alexander's name in a whisper, trying to calm him. "Well, you would dare approach your Prince while he is engaged in a private conversation! Speak!"

"Alexander, let him be." The whore again tries to placate Alexander.

"They have manners to learn as well as toughness, Hephaistion! You would do well to remember that!" The Athenian brat is stunned by his lover's retort but hides his disappointment well.

As I look on Hephaistion bows to Alexander and speaks in a firm but submissive voice. "Yes, my Prince. My sincerest apologies."

He steps back a step and stands tall seemingly unabashed at being used by Alexander to make a point. For the briefest instant I feel sorry for him. Sorry until it occurs to me that his response was more than likely faked. Well done too. Hephaistion's reply had not been stilted or halting. The pretty bastard pulled off the feigned show of respect flawlessly.

"Well, boy?" Alexander continued. We have all moved in closer to altercation and we can hear all the words that are spoken.

"My Prince." The boy began bowing uncannily, exactly as Hephaistion had done. "I only desired to give…" he paused and looked at Hephaistion who was now standing five or six steps behind and to Alexander's left; having been the only one of us to actually step away from the scene. "To offer, Hephaistion an apple for his fine mount. Just an apple for a great horse, my Prince." He bowed again and held the apple out toward Alexander.

"Great horse, boy? And what does a child like you know of great horses? Is Bucephelus not also a great horse?" Alexander asked. I winced at the word child, at the irony of it. Alexander had been only a child when he'd claimed Bucephelus. When the curly haired boy was slow to respond Alexander pushed for his answer. "Well, you seem bold enough, speak, what is your judgment?"

The lad looked to where Bucephelus stood ground reigned next to Hephaistion's mount, Ajax, studied the two animals for a moment then after bowing again, began his careful assessment of Alexander's horse.

"Yes, my Prince. The Oxhead is indeed a fine mount although his head is overly large and he is bit short in length for my liking. He must turn a tight circle because of it, but it, his stubbiness, undoubtedly slows his gallop. The Devil horse…"

"Devil horse?" Alexander cut him off and I watched as Hephaistion face broke into a knowing smile.

"Yes, my Prince. In my homeland we call them such. The Devil horse has the Oxhead's bulk and strength yet is longer and faster, and because of their very powerful haunches, that we have bred into them they can turn in battle as well as your Oxhead. Also, my prince, the Devil horse's coat is thicker and woollier then the Oxhead's fine smooth one. It serves as a sort of armor and also…"

"Enough!" Alexander cut him off with a wave of his hand and stepped aside so the boy could present the apple to Hephaistion. "Deliver your apple! Just remember the manners of court the next time you approach a superior!" He cast a wicked look at Hephaistion, who out of habit was chewing his bottom lip to keep from smiling, and stomped off to where Cleitus and the Boar were standing.

Soon enough we were back on the trail again, moving higher up the forested slope. Hephaistion had taken up a position in the rear making sure that the boys did not fall behind. The rain had slowed to a drizzle and the temperature continued to drop. Before nightfall the drizzle would be flurries and then outright snow. Alexander and Hephaistion had not spoken since the morning break. It pleased me immensely that they were at odds with each other. All my life I had been taught to hate the handsome Athenian! Athenian, why still call him that? The only thing left to give away his birth land, aside from his dislike of the cold, was his nauseating arrogance, watch dog like protectiveness and pitiful fawning over Alexander that was the mark of any well trained sycophant. Don't all the very best sycophants come from Athens?

My father insists on taunting me and prodding me with the fact that it is Hephaistion who has become the prince's favorite. A position that he had groomed me for. I suppose, things being as they are, Hephaistion's father had done a better job educating his whore of a son in the niceties of plying his wares to catch a prince. By the gods my father has even forced me to let my hair to grow long, just below my shoulders, in an attempt to turn Alexander's head; once it was apparent that it was the likes of Hephaistion that caught the prince's eye and warmed his bed. God awful mop of hair. It is impossible to keep up especially in the field! No amount of vanity would drive me to have this hair if I had my say about it. What the hell is Alexander up to now? He's urging Bucephelus toward the rear of our small column at damn near a gallop; his face a mask of rage.

"You there! Yes, you! Curly! Get your arrogant rump up front and scout ahead for a place to camp."

I twisted around when I heard his tone to observe the confrontation. He's sending a nine year old out to scout for a campsite? Is he mad? I cannot believe that Cleitus will allow it. The curly haired youth had been riding at Hephaistion's side for a long time now; talking to the whore and sharing quiet laughs. At Alexander's command he saluted, kneed his mount out and around Alexander and charged forward, stopping only briefly to speak with Cleitus before confidently riding ahead weaving his way through the trees. Alexander wasn't finished yet though.

"And you!" He addressed Hephaistion disparagingly. "You take your Athenian ass back a bit and check that we are not being tailed! Since when is exchanging pleasantries, with untried boys, more important then watching our back! You are still here, Hephaistion? You have your orders. Be gone!"

As I watched, shocked at the absurd exchange, and abuse of power Alexander jerked Bucephelus' head around so viciously the horse reared and fought the bit before moving forward to the front of the line. As he passed me he glowered at my stunned expression and told me to fuck off. Athenian ass? Had I heard right? Tailed? By who? We were well within the safety of our lands, the only enemy we had to deal with was the cold and maybe wolves. Tailed. Maybe I could turn this horrid trip into a great opportunity. With Hephaistion out of the picture maybe I could weasel my way into Alexander's good graces. I smiled at the thought, twisted around and watched joyfully, with squinted eyes through the now pouring, wind driven rain, as Hephaistion disappeared from sight over a slight hill.

All things aside Curly turned out to be a bright boy. Now he was also the center of attention. The arrogant little lad of the morning was now our little hero. Not only had the seemingly untried boy found a suitable campsite, he'd managed to find a dry one. A cave. Well, more of a very large three sided outcropping. The wind driven rain was being blown from the opposite side of the bluff and the place was free of the wind and wet. A tree had fallen into the recess and was dry so we also had fire wood. Plenty of it. So the night would be passed in dry warmth.

We finished congratulating Curly on his find and started to set up camp. The Boar went back out into the storm with the promise of returning with fresh meat. If I hadn't known the brute of a man all my life I would have doubted him. He stunned us all by inviting Curly to attend him. Alexander vetoed that and insisted on going along. Is there no bottom to the vat the holds my prince's jealousy?

As promised they returned with a fine stag just before dark. The rain has turned to snow just as I'd predicted. We all helped dress the stag and set a haunch on a spit over a raging blaze. We had eaten only field rations for three days so the smell of fresh meat made us giddy and joyful. The alcove was so warm that we stripped down, washed up a bit with warmed rain water and held some wresting bouts on the sandy floor as we waited for the meal to finish cooking. Curly was awarded the stag's fine pelt for his good scouting skills; he offered it in turn to Alexander as a token of apology for his earlier behavior. Alexander refused it politely and reassured him that the event was long forgotten.

Forgotten. A word that means so much and can cause such pain. I am no poet or play write but forgotten is a word that has always touched even my hard heart. Hephaistion, had been forgotten. Even I had forgotten the whore in my joy at being warm and well fed. That Alexander had forgotten him seemed completely implausible. But he had. He was dancing with the others as one of the new boys played a spirited song on the flute he'd brought along. The warmed wined had freed up every ones inhibitions a bit. He had never looked back to see his lover disappear into the rain swept forest. He had not asked after him. Such, was his apparent disdain for Hephaistion's welfare that my plans for using their little spat as a way to advance myself suddenly seemed too cruel for even my liking. Besides, why would I set myself up to be so mistreated? By the damned gods though I have been so drilled by my father in knowing the pretty bastard's every move that I could not help but wonder where he was. I walked to the entrance of our shelter and stared out into the snow swept wood. There was no moon or stars to guide him, and we had veered sharply east to get to Curly's cave. There would be no tracks to follow, the snow, which had gone from mere flurries to full out snowing, had covered them long ago. A man could die in these awful hills. Hephaistion was no child; but alone, cold and hungry probably lost with no way to make a fire…he was at risk. I turned and watched Alexander dance. Did I dare ask him about his lover? What did I care! If the whore perished so be it! Right? My father would be pleased. By the gods was I growing soft! Curly solved my problem.

As I looked on he approached Alexander after he'd sat down on his bedroll when the dance had ended. Of all the boys Curly was the only one not drunk, he'd held his wine well. Kept his head. I stepped as close as I dared to listen to the conversation. Having learned his lesson he bowed deeply and requested, with respect, to speak with Alexander who in turn smiled up drunkenly at the boy and waved off the lad's formality. Curly made a face at the rebuff and started to speak. I noted too that Cleitus and the Boar were paying attention to the exchange.

"My Prince…"

"It is Alexander, Curly."

"Alexander, it is just that…." he paused and looked over at Cleitus who raised an eyebrow and sat up straighter. "It is, Hephaistion. He has not returned. I should, would like to go out after him. He, he has no tracks to follow. The snow has…"

"Hephaistion, has a lesson to learn, Curly. Is that truly your name? Curly?" he slurred looking up sleepily at the boy.

"No, my… Alexander. It is, Milos. Hephaistion, I want…"

"Fear not Milos he will find me. He cannot bear to be apart from me!" he laughed loudly and pulled the boy down next to him. "Trust me Mi…Curly he will find me. Come now boy; keep me warm!"

"My Prince, it is more than warm enough. I don't think you…"

"You've your orders boy; lay down!"

I looked over at Cleitus who had stood and was making his way to where Alexander was lying. He squatted down and shot me an angry glare. He knew how much I hated Hephaistion, and he knew that I would be first in line to tell the story of Alexander and Curly to Hephaistion as soon as I could.

"You are sworn to silence. That or be flogged for your insolence. I care not who your father is! Understood, Cassander?" He hissed at me in a wicked whisper.

"Of course, Black Cleitus. Of course." I bowed slightly but did not turn from the scene.

"Alexander," I heard him say. "Alexander it is the boy's rotation at guard duty. Let him alone."

Alexander grumbled and reluctantly released Curly. The boy stood quickly and backed away from Alexander's sleeping place. I could see his chest heaving in gulps of air. He'd been terrified. The poor lad had certainly heard the tales of Philip's love for little boys and I think that poor Curly had fully expected the same from Alexander. I laughed at the silly thought. Alexander bed someone other then Hephaistion. The fool of a boy! If he was going to survive at court he would have to learn to listen to all the rumors, not just a chosen few.

"It's ok lad, go to sleep now. You have had a hell of a day boy." Cleitus tussled Curly's hair and turned him toward where he'd set out his bedroll.

"Black Cleitus, sir, Hephaistion is still out there."

"Aye lad he is, and it would be a fool's errand to go out after him. He's a smart one that boy. He will find shelter Milos. Trust me. Now go and rest."

I do not think any of us will know exactly what happened but I awoke just before what should have been sunrise, if not for the blizzard outside of our shelter obscuring the sky, to the sound of Cleitus screaming at Curly. They stood toe to toe and the big warrior was doing his best not to punch the exhausted boy. The Boar pulled him away and once I'd shaken the sleep from my head I noticed that Alexander was wrapping a shivering Hephaistion in dry furs. Apparently Curly had defied Cleitus' orders to stay put and had gone out in search of Hephaistion and after finding him led him back through the storm to our cave.

"Hephaistion, come. Come to the fire." Alexander pleaded as he tugged Hephaistion along. Nearchus and Perdicass had stoked the blaze and it roared to life. "Sit; you are frozen."

Hephaistion pushed Alexander away and leaned in close to the blaze soaking up its warmth. Alexander backed off and looked to Cleitus for advice. The big warrior shrugged and turned his back. Curly again went into action bringing Hephaistion a cup of warmed wine with chunks of the stag meat in it. He pressed it into the man's trembling hands and forced him to drink it.

"It will warm you and the meat will bring your strength back. Come now Hephaistion sip it. My father taught me to make it. It is good for you."

"The rest of you," the Boar bellowed. "You've mounts to tend to! Get your wine soaked asses moving and get to it. There's naught to see here but a cold man. Alexander, take three men and scout forward break us a path through this god forsaken snow! Eat while you ride boys. This snow's not stopping and we have ground to cover. We'll be behind you shortly."

Alexander blanched at being told what to do. This was after all 'his' command. Finally after staring down the Boar he took Perdicass, Nearchus and Ptolemy with him and headed out into the blizzard. The rest of us tended our mounts and broke camp. Cleitus, now confident with Curly's tracking abilities, asked if he would be able to trail them through the storm and told him to follow as soon as Hephaistion was ready to ride. It would be nearly lunch before they reeled us in and joined us.


	2. Chapter 2

Author: Rothalion

Title: To Thaw A Hardened Heart

Summery: First person POV of Cassander. The devious one learns a lesson about humility, trust, honor and most importantly love while on an ill fated training exercise led by Alexander. The boys are about fourteen to fifteen and searching for answers.

Rating: PG-17 for under the furs sex.

Disclaimer: This can be Stone's universe, because I want to use Hephaistion's blue eyes and Cassander's long hair.

Excuses: Cassander's been rattling around in my head and I haven't done a first person POV in a while so….this is a one chapter tale that's turned into twoL In an effort to be expedient and get back to WPF I will not languish over this piece as far as editing, not that I edit myself worth a damn anyway!

Feedback: Please it's always welcome.

So the pretty whore was indeed worn out. Still, I had to admit, the two had made good time considering the weather. Hephaistion dismounted wearily and after taking a bit of field rations from his kit walked to the far side of the small clearing as far from Alexander as possible. Milos, the sniveling runt, started to look after Ajax. Alexander stopped talking to Cleitus and the Boar and watched as Hephaistion sat down stiffly on a rock and began to eat. The black haired general smacked Alexander on the side of his head to redirect his attention back to him and with a twisted and gnarled finger poked Alexander in the chest as he spoke. The good prince was definitely getting a dressing down by the two older men. I couldn't hear them, but judging by the look on Alexander's face and the matching scowls of Cleitus and Boar it was a tongue lashing for sure. Once Cleitus dismissed him Alexander headed straight for Hephaistion. I couldn't help but wonder what that little conversation would entail so I wondered a little closer just within ear shot.

Hephaistion gave Alexander a grim but determined look that basically said 'what the hell do you want?' and continued to eat his hard tack. Gods how I love it when those two are at odds! Like two hens fight over a roost it's simply an outrageous thing to witness. Alexander reached out to the cold Athenian with a mug of warmed wine and his most charismatic smile. Hephaistion shook his head at both offers, put the remainder of his food in his mouth and stood. Then he took the cup and to every ones amazement he walked over to where Curly was tending to Ajax and handed the large cup to the boy. Curly downed the warming liquid greedily and Hephaistion flashed him a smile and patted the lad's black curls before sending him to get a bit of the stag stew Nearchus had prepared the night before. I edged my way over and began to see to my own mount. Alexander began talking first.

"You are angry." He said to Hephaistion's broad shoulders.

Hephaistion continued adjusting Ajax's bit and his saddle cloth, refusing to acknowledge the prince's words. "Now see here, Hephaistion!" Alexander raised his voice a notch and added the tone of command to it. This was getting good. "Hephaistion Amyntor! Turn and address your prince in the manner I, he deserves! Now, boy!" I had to laugh, this was just too good, boy? Ptolemy clouted the back of my head to silence me. I leaned over and still chuckling said to Philotas,

"Alexander! By the gods is there no end to his arrogance, the silly fool! He'll be lucky if Amyntor doesn't tear him to bits."

"Silence yourself, Cassander!" Ptolemy hissed at me. We were all watching the encounter, how could we not. This was a lovers quarrel combined with a major battle of egos. Of all of us Hephaistion was by far the most prideful and now it was his pride pitted against the pride of a precocious princeling full of himself during his first command.

As we watched Cleitus stepped in close enough to drag the two apart if need be and Hephaistion to our amazement simply sighed and rested his forehead against Ajax's neck. Alexander tried again this time grabbing hold of Hephaistion's shoulder and forcefully jerking him around. Now, the Athenian came alive. Even from where I stood the fire in Hephaistion's ice blue eyes shown like a sentry beckon on a crystal clear night.

"Unhand me, Alexander! I am cold and tired and I am hungry and quite fed up with your attitude these past four days!" He stepped menacingly forward and stood toe to toe with his prince. "Angry, Alexander no! Disappointed and disenheartened yes! You, 'Prince' Alexander have made numerous errors in judgment during the course of this expedition, the worst of which was allowing your personal insecurities about 'our' relationship to cloud your judgment and endanger the lives of not one but two of your men. And in actuality all of your men Alexander; because had Milos perished and a suitable camp not been secured they would have been left to the elements. Angry? No, my Prince, I am frightened that your continued inability to function as a leader and commander in my presence will undermine the safety of this mission and future missions. Therefore, my Prince, I request to be sent back to Pella where I will beg the King to reassign me to another task where I will not be a burden to your judgment making in the future."

Hephaistion bowed and turned back to Ajax. He again leaned his forehead against the big horse's neck and I could see that he was clutching the horses thick wooly coat tightly in both fists. Whether to hold himself up or simply to prevent him from attacking Alexander I will never know. Alexander stepped backwards completely stunned at Hephaistion's outburst. What Hephaistion had threatened was, between them, an unimaginable thought. That Hephaistion would request to be sent away! Aside from that, the fact that the tired Athenian had made a reference to their relationship was also unheard of. While we were all aware of what the two did in private it was never mentioned in public unless we were taunting Hephaistion. So we all stood in stunned silence and waited to see what Alexander would do. It was lost to none of us how pivotal the decision he would make here would be. I stole a look at Cleitus and was shocked to see that he was staring at Hephaistion; his face betraying deep sadness. Finally Hephaistion turned back to Alexander and dropped wearily to a knee in the snow as a show of respect and bowed his head.

"I await… your decision… my prince, and would add that if you choose to send me back to Pella that I may take with me Milos. He is a fine scout and he knows the way better than I. The darkness…I…"

All was still and in the long tense moments while we waited the snow again began to fall. Alexander looked up into the gray sky for a time before speaking. I will never forget the sight of the new flakes stuck to the soft blond stubble he wore. Beside me I heard Nearchus curse.

"Damn you! Alexander let him up!" The Cretan hissed.

Alexander turned then and studied us one by one. He looked into our eyes and read our thoughts upon our faces. Satisfied he turned back to Hephaistion and began to speak slowly and purposefully.

"I have heard your council, Hephaistion, proud son of Amyntor and it is both wise and true. You spoke bravely and took the interests of this company and held them before your own, thereby opening yourself to great pain and heartache with this request. My apologies on my despicable, self centered and immature behavior. I will not send you from myself, Hephaistion. That I will never do. Please rise and know that I am humbled by your criticism and that I will never again allow myself to me swayed by my own feelings when considering the decisions of a command. I am, Hephaistion, duly chastised. Please rise."

"Alright, mount up! Shows over!" I heard the Boar yell. "Now boys! Get a move on! Perdicass you are out front with Nearchus! Ptolemy and Philotas take the rear Alexander you're with Cleitus go forward break us a trail. The rest of you single file column."

So we rode out. I watched as Alexander gave Hephaistion a leg up onto Ajax and then grasped Hephaistion's knee tightly. The Athenian gave the prince a weak smile and kneed his mount into line behind Milos. I fell in behind Hephaistion. I couldn't help it, but in all honesty I wanted to be sure to see him when he passed out and fell off his horse. He was exhausted and I love to see it when he fails to maintain his high expectations for himself. Hate is a poison that eats at you. I had to give my father credit he did a great job of filling me with it. I hate Hephaistion and I hate the Persians and I hate the Thebans and while I secretly envy the Athenians it is for my own personal gain. I hate to hate sometimes. Yet more often I love to hate and right now I was loving the show that my hate gave me leave to pray for and watch.

The snow continued to get heavier as we rode higher again for the fourth day. I studied Hephaistion riding in front of me. He was arrogant make no mistake. Proud of his skills and proud of his family and their damned line of Devil horses. Proud that his father had been taken into Philip's inner circle after showing up in Pella with fine mounts ugly and fiendish though they are, and a pledge of loyalty to Philip's new dominion. Yes, the bastard knew what he had and was never shy about standing up for it. Gods I remember some few years ago there a boy at court, a brutish lad from the high hills somewhere. Huge for his age. Now let me say this, Hephaistion is big. Tall and broad of shoulder but this boy, we called him the ogre, was bigger and thicker and a full two years older the Athenian. He always harassed Harpalus. Harpalus the lame. A small, gimpy boy but quick witted and a fine hand with numbers. The Ogre was thrashing Harpalus in the stable and when Hephaistion got wind of it he ran for the stable yard with all speed; the rest of us close at his heels. He hit the Ogre at a full run sending the two of them skidding across the hard packed ground. The impact alone had knocked the wind from Hephaistion's lungs and in the brief moments while he recovered himself the Ogre set upon him with a fury I have seldom seen again. In no time he'd pummeled Hephaistion bloody with fists the size of the fool Athenian's head. We screamed for Hephaistion to stay down but as the brutish Ogre backed off Hephaistion stood. We all gasped at his endurance. Alexander whispered to him to stay down and I never forgot the look of disappointment on Hephaistion's face at the prince's plea. He looked from Alexander to the Ogre and back. The huge boy kept saying over and over, 'Come on you Athenian scum, come on now you little whore, your father's a sell out who turned his back on his country to lick the boots of Philip.' Hephaistion surged forward straight into the Ogre's raised knee, three times straight before falling to the ground in a bloodied heap.

Humph. Did I respect him? No! I'd been told by my father that he was exactly what the Ogre had dubbed him. Three days later though when Amyntor rode into court to conduct his business and found out what had occurred and demanded, that injuries aside, Hephaistion come to him, I began to be swayed. Hephaistion went, half crawling most of the way, refusing any aid. He managed to stand and stagger the remaining twenty paces to where Amyntor waited in the room assigned to him in the palace. We were there, all of us. Amyntor in his wickedness requested all of us the, Ogre included to witness his wrath. Philip and Cleitus were there as well. They say that the important memories stay with you forever and vividly, such was the case with that afternoon two years ago. I see it as if it was yesterday. I have nightmares about still.

"Father." Hephaistion mumbled; his lips were smashed, and he could barley hold his head up to meet the man's eye.

"You failed to protect the honor of your family, Hephaistion."

"Yes…father, I failed you." He wavered nearly falling and Alexander started forward but Philip held him back.

"Turn and get on your knees, boy." He stood and stepped toward where Hephaistion had prostrated himself. Then in one quick movement her tore the chiton from Hephaistion's back and allowed a wicked looking, three strand lash to slip free of his clenched fist.

We'd all seen Hephaistion's scarred back, but we had assumed the lashes had been from some form of persecution for his father's stand against the corruption in the Athenian government. Before we could fully absorb what was going to occur the lash snaked out and drove Hephaistion, in his weakened state forward his battered face slamming into the stone floor. I can still see, in my minds eye, the blood there, the shape of it, a crescent of red on the pure white tiles. Alexander screamed and Philip restrained him. Turning him and grasping his face in his huge hands.

"Give him his honor, Alexander. Be strong."

The lash whistled again and again. Hephaistion had risen back up from the floor and never shed a tear, finally Amyntor was done. He dropped the bloodied whip in front of his son and strode from the room. I saw my king cry that day, and my prince, and most of my companions. I still wonder how it could have been that I was the only one incapable of shedding tears for Hephaistion, son of Amyntor. So ingrained was my hate. So well had Antipiter blackened my soul. I wonder, had my father been there would he have cried? The Ogre was never seen at court again.

Pha! Enough with the past! The Athenian is still in my way and my father still demands that I displace him! Do I have a choice? Do I dishonor 'my' father? Is it really any different, Hephaistion fighting for Amyntor's name and me trying to hate enough to appease my father? Something is not right with the bastard. I'm watching him ride and he's off his seat somehow. All my hate and jealousy aside Hephaistion can ride a horse with an unnatural beauty and erring elegance. It is said that Amyntor took him riding the day he was born. Everyday. To get the infant accustomed to the gaits of a horse, so they would be a natural part of the boy's very being. Here in Macedon we ride early but…It is said that the bastard rode before he walked; and rumored that when the Amyntors rode into Pella and the palace as refugees the four year old Hephaistion rode a cavalry mount of his own, supposedly the sire of Ajax, and was fully armed. He's off his seat now though. Milos keeps looking back at him as well. The boy's too smart for his own damn good. Why do I care. Isn't this exactly why I fell in behind him. I laugh into the wind and he actually turns and looks at me. He's not right.

Before I can try and decide if he's just exhausted, which is unlikely; I have seen him sleep on Ajax and ride for miles and miles his body naturally adjusting to the devil horse's rhythm, or sick, or injured, Ajax slips on a snow covered stone and sidles abruptly to the left. Hephaistion, to my astonishment, is pitched from the horse's back and to the right cracking the back of his head on a boulder as he hits the snow covered ground. I reign in my mount and jump down. Milos has beaten me there. Both of us are met with Ajax's slashing hooves as he stands guard over his fallen master. We both jump back and before I can stop myself I'm ordering Milos to remount and go forward and bring Cleitus and Alexander. The boy moves without question. I wait for them to return, and watch as blood seeps from the back of the pretty whore's head staining the snow. A part of me wants it to flow faster and some other, stifled, un-nurtured part of me can see him on his knees being flogged by Amyntor.

The drum of hooves through deep snow drags me back, Alexander is behind Cleitus. The big general rides right up to the screaming Devil horse. Ajax rears and goes after him. He ignores the threat and starts hollering.

"Get up boy! You will freeze to death down there! Hephaistion! Get you sad ass up! The battle will not wait for you lad!" He's screaming at the downed Athenian "Damn it!" He hollered as Ajax's hooves glance off his mounts flank drawing blood. He whips the maddened beast with the end of his reigns and wheels away. "Alexander! Get that horse out of here so we can get to him!" He knees his white mount to the left and out of the range of Ajax's hooves making room for Alexander who charges in and jumps from Bucephelus' back. "Damn you! You bastard beast of a horse! I will have your balls for supper. Alexander!"

"Ajax. Ajax. Easy now let me to him. Ajax." He grasps the devil horses bridal and tries to pull him off. The horse balks, bares its teeth in Alexander's face and snorts. Then squeals manically and tosses his head three or four times before reluctantly side stepping from Hephaistion's fallen form.

Hephaistion is stirring now and when he realizes he is down he screams out for his mount. The horse responded in like with a chilling whinny before jerking free of Alexander's grip and nuzzling the fallen bastard, Hephaistion.

Alexander again pulls Ajax aside. Milos and Cleitus drop down and lift up the fallen Athenian. He roughly shoves them away, turning back toward where Alexander has led Ajax.

"My horse! Bring my horse."

I am amazed that he's capable of standing. I can see the lump on his skull from ten paces off, and his face is a mask of blood. Again he shoves at Cleitus.

"Your hurt, you fool pup! Let me tend to it!" He grasps Hephaistion's face in his huge hands and studies the boys eyes. "Focus on me lad!" With a nod he motions for Alexander to look at the injury.

The prince parts Hephaistion's long hair and grimaces. "I will have to stitch it, Cleitus. It is deep."

"See too it!" He turns to the Boar and tells him to take half the company and forge ahead in search of a good camp. The group departs leaving Milos, Alexander, Cleitus, three new boys and myself in the rear.

I watch as Alexander tries to stitch his friend's wound. The fool fights him every step of the way. Refusing to be still, worrying over Ajax despite Milos' assurance the animal is fine. At one point Alexander stops his careful work and kneels in front of Hephaistion. Not caring how they appear to the rest of us he pulls Hephaistion into a strong embrace and speaks quietly into his ear. What ever he told the Athenian succeeded in calming him. In no time we were under way again only now Hephaistion rides behind Alexander on Bucephelus. Cleitus rode up behind the two boys and draped a heavy fur over Hephaistion's shoulders and Alexander pulled it tightly around them. Hephaistion had fallen asleep against the prince's back his bandaged head resting safely between Alexander's broad shoulder blades.

I was jealous. Jealousy! Of all the damned emotions that I could feel, watching the two companions ride along, the one that filled me was jealousy. I wanted what they had. I wanted a friend who's back I could lean on with such trust and security that I could let myself sleep. They had everything these two, and it rankled me. They had love, they had sex, they had trust and loyalty. Alexander had Hephaistion and what angered me the most, was that the more I was around them the less I wanted to believe my father's villainous accusations. This was not a simple friendship. This was not a case of Hephaistion kissing Alexander's ass for favors. There was a deep seated trust between these two and now reality of that love began to eat away at me even more than the hate my father had preached. Why should they have it and not me?

Then there was Milos, the little urchin! He'd just pledged himself to Hephaistion as if it were the most natural thing in the world. By the gods the little fiend had disobeyed a direct order, putting his career and life in jeopardy to save a man he'd only just met. What magic did Hephaistion possess. Truth be told, probably more men hated him than loved him but the ones who choose to love the Athenian did so with unwavering steadfastness.

In turn Hephaistion gave them his love and respect equally; except with Alexander. Between them the bond seemed to be wrought of some gift of the gods. I didn't buy their whole Achilles and Patroclus story. That they were somehow a modern version of the two great warriors, but at times like this I had to wonder.

My thoughts tumbled over and over the situation as we rode. Twice Hephaistion vomited dousing both him and Alexander. The prince was not bothered by the foul liquid and after getting Hephaistion situated simply continued on. If the Athenian ass was throwing up he was injured far more than he'd let on. I began to wonder what had happened to him, before Milos had found him and guided the exhausted man back to camp.

Night had fallen by the time we stumbled upon the Boar's makeshift camp. There would be no cave to protect us this night. We were going to have to maintain fires and huddle for warmth. We all went about the business of setting camp. I watched as Alexander and Milos slid Hephaistion from the great black's back. He was barley able to stand. They led him to the base of a wide trunked tree and sat him down against it out of the wind. Milos began a bright fire. I set my tent up close to their spot. I was always trying to be as near to them as possible as I tried to find ways to aid my father's plan. Alexander shot me a wicked glare but I glared back.

"No." I heard Hephaistion say as he waved off Milos' offer of warmed wine. "Ajax and Ox head, lad see to them first." The boy looked to Alexander and smiled

"Go now boy, your new master has spoken. See to his wishes."

"Alexander you have duties please go tend to them. You lead a party, not just me. I'm fine."

"You are not fine and maybe you have forgotten, silly Hephaistion but I am also the designated physician. You are quite stuck with me until I get you settled. Drink it."

"Won't stay down." Hephaistion muttered stubbornly. "Alexander my back, and shoulder sit me up a bit. Hurts a lot, I'm so damn cold."

I watched as Alexander pressed his palm against Hephaistion forehead, I swear the Athenian sighed at the contact and leaned into it. The prince studied his face for a moment and then yelled to me to come and aid him.

I held Hephaistion forward while Alexander stripped off the heavy fur and then Hephaistion's own fur followed by the man's armor leaving only his chiton. We gasped in unison at the sight before us.

Hephaistion's left shoulder was shredded to the bone. The cotton chiton had frozen into the gaping wound staunching the blood flow. He also had a huge chunk oh flesh out of the back of his left arm and off of his right hip.

"Cleitus!" I screamed with out hesitation. "Cleitus, come quick!"

Alexander looked at me his mouth open wide, the shock of the severity of Hephaistion's hidden wounds and my yell had stunned him into innaction.

"Hepahsition, what did this. Wolves, but how?"

"Found a small crevasse, crawled into it, built fire. Took off armor and furs to get warm, They came from the outside, no room to fight. Back to wall. Got dressed after killing three…others fled. Milos found me back on the trail. Knew I had to catch up. Hurts 'Ander, hurts. Go; you have…"

"By the gods Cassander what'r you bellowing…oh my god pup what have you gone and done. You boy, Curly, fetch us water and plenty of it. Hot. Alexander let us hope Aristotle taught you how to tend to this. You're mess lad. A mess. Is he fevered yet?"

"Yes, Cleitus help my get him near to the fire."

We all stood round as Cleitus, Alexander and Milos tended to Hephaistion's wounds. We were all familiar with the shredding of flesh by wild animals. Most of us had been mauled at least once during the hunt and bore our own scars. We also knew that the wounds Hephaistion bore were life threatening and potentially crippling if they healed badly. I was surprised once again by me feelings. I felt saddened to think that Hephaistion might come out of this too crippled to be a front line companion. It was his dream. His sole purpose in life was to stand at Alexander's side in battle. It's how they trained. How they lived. To be a single unit in all things. To fight as one. I knew my great aim in life, my duty, was to replace Hephaistion as Alexander's first companion but this was not a price I was willing to pay. I did not want to win like this. I turned, and had to walk away, as Hephaistion began to scream when the hot daggers were put to his torn flesh cauterizing the ghastly wounds. I retched until I shook. Sick from the stench of burnt flesh, and further sickened by the self realization that I could never replace the man lying in agony beside the fire. Not in Alexander's bed and not in battle.

Late into the third night at our camp I was awakened by quiet whispers coming from Alexander and Hephaistion's shelter. During the cauterization Hephaistion had blessedly passed out and stayed that way. He must be finally coming around I thought. Alexander was a talented healer and I was not surprised that his friend had fought off the fever and was able to awaken so soon. I lay quietly on my stomach, my head on my crossed arms and watched their shadowed shapes through the tent wall, illuminated by the full moon behind them.

"Shhh. Hepahsition you must still rest."

"I'm still cold."

"I know, my love, here let me hold you again. No. Don't fight me now. They're all huddled for warmth tonight, you fool. Even Cleitus and The Boar, if you can picture that." Alexander laughed quietly.

"You're dreadful, Alexander."

"And you must stop being so concerned about what others think of us, my love."

"Alexander, the camp has ears. My love… you shouldn't…"

He sounded completely spent. His normally certain voice was timid and strained. I worried that it was a sort of burst of strength before the end. I'd seen it before. Worry…Or was it hope?

"Hurts."

"I know."

"Cold."

"I know."

"Want you."

Now what had we here. This could be interesting, I thought. Not so near death then afterall. He wants his, Alexander. I smiled at my good fortune. Sex was no secret to us. We'd all seen each other do it with whores or other boys or each other. In the gymnasium or the showers, on tables at banquets. There was no real shame in it. Just a fact of our lives. I recalled seeing Ptolemy take a whore and never stop eating an apple. I saw Philotas, being fucked by an elder diplomat on his own father's couch, because Parminion wanted to seem loyal. I'd fucked a boy in front of the queen, at yet another wild banquet, and will never forget the flush of lust on her face. One wasn't a follower of Dionysus and a prude at the same time. She called for me after that and requested that I perform for her again. So watching one another in the act of sex was passe.

What isn't passe is the sex life of Alexander and Hephaistion. Conversly it is a contentious and bitterly argued, overly discussed and often times form of erotic stimulus. There was not a single man or boy in this camp that didn't wonder and had not at some point talked argued or fantasized about the two friends' sexual proclivities. If they deny it they are lying! Who took who? Was it rough? Was it womanly and soft? Did they actually fuck? We knew who was the larger. Hephaistion. By the gods the man was blessed. Not huge and not small just on the larger end of beautiful. I'd never seen him hard, but I'd dreamt of it. Who hadn't? He was in that aspect perfect as well. The two never touched in public, other than socially. Never took whores or boys or anyone. No kissing, hugging, nothing. They could sit on their couch in the middle of a raging orgy and not lay a finger on each other. That only fueled the gossip. By the gods, with all that pent up sexual arousal what 'did' they do when they finally were alone? Now, it seemed, I just might be privy to their little secret.

"You must rest."

"You give me strength. I need you. Please. Easy like you like it."

"You are hopeless, my love. You worry over prying ears and yet prying eyes do not frighten you?"

"The tent will hide us. Need your strength. So tired. Weak."

Rumor said that Alexander never denied Hephaistion anything. I watched as my prince shifted and leaned over Hephaistion. He kissed him on the lips and pulled back. Then kissed him again. It was a long deep kiss. Hephaistion's good arm was rubbing up and down Alexander's back. Again the kiss ended and Alexander rose to his knees and removed his tunic. Then he carefully removed Hephaistion's. The wounded man was too weak to sit up so as I watched Alexander began to pleasure his first companion.

The prince kissed Hephaistion's throat and chest. He suckled the man's tits like a babe. I could hear Hephaistion mewling softly and Alexander shushing him.

"But you know that drives me mad."

"Be still."

He worked his way down Hephaistion's stomach nuzzleing his navel and kissing the wallow beside his hip bone. For Hephaistion not to be able move must have been torturous. When Alexander took Hephaistion into his mouth I bit into my arm to silence the groan over desire that threatened to escape me. I was hard. Harder than I'd ever been. This wasn't fucking. This was some thing else entirely. Something I'd yet to experience. I ground my hips into my furs in agitation.

Alexander sucked lavishly on Hephaistion's cock and tickled the man's thighs with fingers. After what semed an eternity he stopped and straddled the injured man. Leaning down he kissed him.

"Your taste is too sweet, my love. No honey can rival it."

"And you, you nectar? Shall I test it too. To see? Compare." Alexander groaned.

I could not believe what I was seeing. These two peers of mine consumed by an act relegated to slaves and street wenches. Yet it was being done with such care and love. It was sensuous beyond anything I'd ever witnessed. Hephaistion now sucked on Alexander as the man knealt above him. My prince arched back his long blonde hair falling across his broad shoulders. With his good hand the Athenian stroked Alexnader's ass. As I watched excited to the point of pain, Hephaistion reached up with his right hand and without stopping his work on Alexnader's cock he allowed the prince to suck two fingers into his mouth. Their eyes never left one another's.

Oh, by the gods, to watch them was killing me. I wanted to touch myself but feared if I moved, I would give myself away. Such was the proximity of our tents. They sucked each other in unison for a while. Hephaistion his prince's cock and the prince Hephaistion's fingers. In desperation I plunged two fingers into my mouth mimicking the scene before me. Alexander groaned as Hephaistion pressed his slick fingers into his raised ass.

"Gods, love, are you up to this? Say no and I will kill you, my Hephaistion!" Hephaistion relinquished Alexander's cock.

"I want to be in you Alexander. To feel you tighten on my cock. Give me your strength, my beloved."

I looked on stunned as Alexander, heir of Macedon and if Philip had his way, to the Persian Empire, raised up a bit and with what seemed great reverence, lowered himself unbelievable slowly onto Hephaistion's cock. They stayed like that for a moment. Unmoveing just staring into one another's eyes. Then Alexander began to ride his Love. Love? Did I just call Hephaistion, Alexander's love. My excitement must be clouding my judgement. Love. What happened to whore and sycophant. Ass kisser? Love. They were so beautiful to watch. Alexander held a slow and easy pace, all the while still suckling Hephaistion's fingers.

"Close, Hephaistion! You are so, close! I can feel it!" He arched his hips a bit, and Hephaistion whined. "Come for me, my Hephaistion, my Patroclus, come for me let me feel your heat inside my body. Come."

The Athenian did. I wanted to but it seems as if I were stuck. Aroused beyond the the point of climax. The prince shuddered allowing the waves of Hephaistion's orgasm to sift through his body. He had not climaxed yet.

"Your turn my beauty. My love."

"Yes, now. Hephaistion are you sure?" A nod.

Alexander allowed his lover to suck on his fingers for a moment. All the while he was stroking him back to hardness. Gods the man is unbelievable.

"I love that about you, sweet Hephaistion, always up for more. Are you ready?"

Alexander had a difficult time entering him because of the wound to Hephaistion's hip. They worked it out and I was now watching him slowly and smoothly fuck the Athenian back into a controlled frenzy. They worked as one. Pushing and arching touching and moaning. All slow and gentle. As if they were milking out each and every sensation. As Alexander worked himself in and out of Hepahistion he leaned forward sucking and nipping Hephaistion's nipples. They came together without Alexander ever touching his lover's cock. I came as well. Harder than I'd ever come before. It was an overload for my senses. Physically and emotionally. I was also crying.

They stayed still for a long while, Alexander hunched over with his head on Hephaistion's bandaged chest. They were in no hurry to part but the cold forced them to crawl back into their thick furs wrapped in each others strong arms.

I lay awake now, quietly weeping for all that my father's hate has cost me. Tying to understand all the things that I have witnessed on this odd trip. What I'd observed was not base desire but a love and understanding between two souls so bound to one another that nothing will tear them apart. Not even death I'm afraid. Should Hephaistion perish or be taken from Alexander's side the equation will be broken and the magic that is our prince destroyed. I could no longer follow my father's wishes. Until I see Hephaistion as a true threat to the power of Macedon I will take no action against him. Athenian he may be, but he has proven to me that he is also one of the strongest, loyalist man I know. While I still have no desire to endure the drudgery of battle I have learned that for those who do, the beauty comes in having someone like Hephaistion waiting for you when the horror is complete.

Jealous? Yes, that, I still am. But what man wouldn't be? To be blessed with beauty and love and strength. Blessed with Alexander's love. Sex. We are beasts! the rest of us compared to them. My father will have to accept defeat. I can never be to Alexander what his Hephaistion is. Never. What my father has seen as merely a political allience between the two young men simply is not true. It is far more than that.

Too awake and edgy to sleep I roll over and replay the scene in my head. I groan as once again I am stirred to hardness. Should I go and rouse Philotos? He'll play. We have before. No, instead I pleasure myself as visions of Alexander and Hephaistion slip through my memory. I cannot help but wonder if I will ever share a bond so beautiful with another person.

It was two more days before Hephaistion could ride. He'd argued that he was fine and needed no coddling, but Cleitus refused him and used the time to train the new boys in various skills. Once again Alexander and him were keeping away from one another. At night they shared a tent by day it was all business. I found it hard to watch and finally confronted Alexander about it on our final night in camp.

"Alexander, tell me; how do you and Hephaistion manage it? To be so close and yet stay so distant in the public eye? By the gods man. I have seen the two of sit through orgies and never lay a hand on each other. Doesn't it drive you mad not to be able to touch him?"

He studied me. His gray eyes drilling into mine but I would not flinch. I know that he's thinking it's just Cassander toying with me, just trying to start a fight.

"You'd stoop to teasing me, Cassander? Hephaistion's injured, but well enough to manage your petty insults."

"Not a jibe, but an observation."

"I know that you watched us." His voice was cold. I realized then that I'd stolen something precious from them. Something sacred.

I froze. "You do? Watched at what?" That's it feel him out.

"Cassander, you will never have me. You will never have what I share with Hephaistion. Your father will never have his wish. Be wary of how you carry yourself. If gossip finds my ears, Antipiter aside, I will have your head. What I share with Hephaistion is ours. We keep it private. Yes, we both suffer for our love. But we do so willingly. Take heed in this, Cassander."

I wanted to tell him that I'd given up on my father's vain desire. I wanted to tell him that I respected what they shared, but once again, long ingrained, pride stilled my hand.

"You have my utmost secrecy my prince. Now then shall we go the column awaits us."

We rode off side by side. I knew then that I could never love or feign a love for my prince. What scared me to death though was the burgeoning swell of love and emotions that had for my life long rival; Hephaistion. I loved him. My father's long taught, jealousy and hatred had turned into a profound love and desire, above and beyond the boorish talk of the baths. I wanted him the way Alexander had him. That would never occur though. Once again my life, now rid of one false quest, would be burdened by yet another.


End file.
